What to do when you are radioactive.

1. Have a pity party.  It's Halloween, and it appears to be a gorgeous, warmly autumnal day, but you can't go outside. Well, you could go outside, but you'd have to make sure none of your child-ridden neighbors approaches you because you can't go near their children.  Pregnant women are a no-no, too.

2. Try to play on Facebook, only to discover that, as it has been since yesterday, it's still broken.  Every time you try to use it for any of its regular Facebooky wondrousness, you get booted out and have to attempt to log in anywhere from one to four times.

3. Eat cheese.  To eat cheese, you must acquire it from the out-of-doors.  Have you acquired cheese from the out-of-doors? If no, whine because you have no cheese and wonder how you can get cheese delivered.  If you do have cheese, eat it!!  

3.B. For fun, create a recipe for radioactive cheese.

3.B.1. Recipe for Radioactive Cheese

1 portion Seal Bay Tasmanian Cheese
1 plastic spoon

Place Seal Bay Tasmanian Cheese (from HEAVEN) on plate.  With plastic spoon in right hand, scoop out small portion of cheese.  Raise spoon to mouth and lick spoon.  Repeat until only one half of the original portion of cheese remains.  Your remaining cheese is now radioactive cheese.

This is a versatile recipe that works on anything you can think of to mix with your radioactive saliva!

4.  Realize that the Internet can't change your life.

5.  Think about cleaning up the apartment, which could be featured on one of those news stories (AP Brooklyn, NY - Police today seized a basenji/pit mix dog named Sara when they realized her people were major fucking slobs, despite the dog's protests that the vacuum really only makes her worried and she's better off without it), and then realize you actually probably shouldn't clean because you should touch only whatever you have to touch.

5.B.  Worry that you are making your computer radioactive, despite the latex gloves you're using.

6.  Have another pity party because you REALLY miss your dog, even though she is loving life at her grandparents' house.

7.  Obsess about work.

8.  Do some writing.

9.  Shower, while worrying that you are nuking the neighbors.

10.  Restart your computer again. Try Facebook again.  Curse Facebook again.  Cry.  Hate.

11.  Think about the following: meditation, writing, reading, watching a good movie.

12.  Drink.