Home sick!

OKAY. This is a crazy series of weeks. I got sick on Christmas with a bad cold/respiratory thing/fever. I was sick for about a week, also developing serious intestinal distress that has been hitting for weeks, on and off. This past weekend I was very sick with it and I've had to go to my G.I. doctor. My endoscopy was also put off because I have been sick and they didn't want to risk it (now it's on January 25).

So yesterday I came back to work, worked a lot to catch up, and still am not caught up.

Yesterday I also decided I must have some kind of awful cancer (the pre-cancerous intestinal stuff, the stomach ulcer, and the ongoing side pain coupled with terrible stomach virus or whatever it is made me decide this*). And I had to have my cancer doctor talk me down, which she was kind enough to do. I love her.

Then woke up at 4 this morning (that's nothing new), and my neck LOCKED up in the worst pain ever. I've had herniated disc problems before, but the problems usually affect my LEFT side. This was on the RIGHT. I couldn't move.

I had to stay home this morning and now I've taken three Advils. They are starting to take effect.

Whoosh. What a beginning to 2012!!!


* What I decided is that I have a "gastrinoma" or "gastrinomas."

Intestinal fortitude!

I'm on my way to the GI doctor for preop bloodwork in advance of my endoscopy this Monday. They saw what seemed to be another polyp in September, so now they will look to cut that sucker out (and I suppose whatever else they see that's not kosher). Please wish me luck and think good thoughts. I'm a little concerned that I'm just getting over a cold, but my asthma doc is not overly concerned.

January will be a big medi-cathlon (tm). I will try to keep this page more updated because of that.

Two years!

It's two years, plus, since my original diagnosis!! My, how time flies. Not much new on the thyroid front right now, although I guess another radioactive tracer might be needed at some point soon.

In other news, a couple of folks I know have recently received the same diagnosis I got just before my 36th birthday. Hang tough, you two, and know you can lean on me as needed.

Maybe I should call this "Lisa's Kvetching Blog"

In 2009, the year in which everything seemed to get all wiggy (for lack of a more descriptive term) in the form of life-changing news about my bodily condition, it seemed the diagnoses would keep coming:

•  Obscenely high mercury levels? Check.
• Thyroid cancer? Of course.
• Life-threatening hypocalcemia as a result of the thyroidectomy? Sure.
• Esophageal spasming that felt like a heart attack? Come right in!
• Mysterious pre-cancerous growth in my small intestine? You betcha.

When the diagnoses started piling up, all within a few months of one another, I told myself, "Let's just get through this season and then we'll feel better." I told myself, "Aren't we lucky that we're finding this now, so we don't have to deal with this later? We'll get all the treatment over with and then we'll sail through our thirties." 

This was not my first indication that I like to lie to myself.

Since that time, I learned of a few more medical oddities here and there. Oh, and I broke my shoulder pretty seriously and got lucky enough to take in a bunch of radioactive x-rays... I got some more of that delicious radiation during a barium swallow... and yet more after a fall on my head. (Heck, I don't even have a thyroid to absorb that shit, right? I kid, I kid. When I had the head x-ray, the guy didn't even put a thyroid guard on me; he actually seemed pretty annoyed that I suggested it.)

Anyway, I digress. That last paragraph's worth of digression was just meant to say that, over the year or so after my surgery, a few diagnoses came and went, but I kept telling myself that the big summer of diagnoses, the summer of 2009, was all over, and from here on out, I would be a healthier me. 

In that vein, I recently started seeing a proactive oncologist as part of this quest (basically, someone who doesn't want patients to have cancer, and works with them to avoid recurrences). My oncologist took a pretty thorough medical history (Memo to self: WRITE a medical history and then HAND IT to the doctors at the beginning of each appointment. STAPLE it to their damn questionnaires that take 15 minutes and don't capture anything. Hmmm, I bet other people have thought of this before, people who aren't even professional writers. Well, why didn't they suggest it, then? Bastards.), and the item she felt needed most attention, of those listed above and several others, was the duodenal adenoma.

Off I went to her recommended G.I. doctor, who called me a "walking medical textbook," because of the medical history I'm sure she was sorry she'd asked for. I rattled off issue after issue as she sat taking notes. I am sure she doubted whether she'd see her next appointment.

She sent me for some tests, two of which I just had earlier this week, an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. Well, actually, she did the tests herself. The first results available to me are the ones she saw immediately: a 12-mm (I think) antral, gastric ulcer with heaped-up edges (that even sounds yucky), and a medium-sized duodenal polyp, which she attempted to remove in full. (The doctor who found this the last time had told me he removed it... either that was a lie, or this is a new adenoma; given the overall mediocrity of that doctor in general, and my desire to NOT be sprouting rare polyps in my small intestine, I'm going to say it was a lie.)

Now I'm waiting for my pathology reports, and trying to avoid the trap of feeling like I did back when I got all of those concurrent diagnoses, of endlessly waiting for the next shoe to drop in an endless supply of shoes. This seems such a reactive stance to take for someone who relishes being alive, and yet, there's so little I feel I can proactively do. Again, I am starting to feel as if a code to my body exists, but nobody has it... and yes, I recognize the defeatist tone in that statement.  And I'm trying to avoid the pity-party that I tend to want to have for myself as I await diagnoses (although pity parties with wine and oysters are really fun - thanks, Jim!).

So, yeah, not much on the thyroid front to report, really. As I mentioned - or if I didn't - the tests this past February came out okay. I will, of course, keep you posted here in this blog, originally for that purpose, regarding anything of note related to my thyroid.  I'll also let you know the test results, when I know them, from this most recent battery of tests. If you're still reading, I'd love it if you'd please think cancer-free thoughts for me!

intestinal interlude

I'm preparing for a G.I. workup (tomorrow) to follow up on an adenoma found in the lining of my small intestine. I got that diagnosis the day after the thyroid cancer diagnosis, and my doctors all said to chill until the thyroid cancer was under control. Well, knock on my head (my head representing wood in this case), the thyroid cancer has been under control (as much gone as we can tell it is) for a year, and it's high time (past high time) to be dealing with this adenoma.

Think good thoughts for me, please. If you need me tonight, you'll find me either curled up on the couch, softly groaning, or in the place you'd expect me to be the night before my G.I. workup.

Cramps!

Three out of four limbs cramped up this morning! That must be a hypocalcemic record for me.

I woke up with a terrible cramp in one of my calves and a normal cramp in the other.  I have to stretch my legs in a certain way to make the cramps go away.  Sometimes I leap right up out of bed to make the cramps go, although being launched from a deep sleep immediately onto one's feet on the bedroom floor can be jarring and can cause injury. Sometimes I stay in bed and try to make the cramps go away from some position I can achieve whilst already horizontal.  I chose the latter today. All of this to say, in the instant in which I was 1) waking up suddenly, 2) getting into a position in which I could effectively stretch my legs, and 3) yelping loudly at Jim, I leaned heavily on my left arm... which then cramped up also! OUCH.

Good thing I called Old Dr. Thyroid yesterday (aka, my endocrinologist) and left a message with regards to significantly upping my vitamin D intake.  It seems that no matter how many TUMS I pop, I'm always on the edge of leaping out of bed in pain. And that's just one of the symptoms of hypocalcemia that makes it clear I'm not absorbing this stuff.  However, I think my vitamin D is pretty low, and the calcium won't do anything if I don't up the D.

Speaking of Old Dr. Thyroid, he tells me that my parathyroids will never come back at this point. That's a bummer.

Old Dr. Thyroid also wants to do another round of radioactive iodine, which I think I'm going to just do, and schedule it for January.  On the plus side, it'll be nice to make sure in the scan that "Everything is Illuminated" (thanks, Mr. Foer). On the less-than-plus side, I may be running out of time if I want babies.

Well, I think that's everything. For once I actually beat Jim out of bed (the cramps).  So now I'm going to sit on the couch and gloat until he wakes up.

Happy Friday!

It's been a while!

Goodness gracious, where to begin?

It looks like the last time I updated this blog was way back in June.  Since then, I've done a few things.  I went to two amazing conferences, I broke my right shoulder in a way that quite removed me from my daily activities for several months, and I got married to Jim!

Of course, this is the very abbreviated version of the last nearly-half-year.  Still, I'm not sure how to do such a sweeping update.  Maybe a short, bulleted list?  Updates are as follows:

• My job is excellent.  I like my coworkers and the work I'm doing.  The company I work for treats its employees surprisingly well.  I have a lot of responsibility, I'm being challenged daily, and I routinely get to dress up like an adult.
• My friends are amazing. Old friends - wonderful. New friends - wonderful.  Thank you all for being so present for me over the last year.  And a special shout-out to a small group of women friends who I met a little more than a year ago. For the last year, they have been incredibly supportive. Thank you, ladies. 
• The wedding was absolutely everything I could have hoped it would be, and I am thrilled to be married to Jim. Thank you so much to all of our family and friends who attended!  The honeymoon, in one of our favorite places - Bar Harbor, Maine - was as relaxing as could be.
• On the thyroid front, my doctor is pressing to do another round of radioactive iodine, this one less potent than the last.  He checked me in August and didn't see anything on my ultrasound, nor in my blood work, to concern him.  However, he would like to treat me with iodine.  He says it is an important part of the treatment puzzle.  I will probably go through with it in January, once my vacation/sick days reset.

Those are some of the highlights for the moment. I will try to update again in a more timely manner.

Health-related update, with preamble.

PREAMBLE

Hey, friends. I decided I have way too many updates for one blog post.  If I were a more skilled, or more patient, blogger, I'd take the time to interweave the threads and leave you, at the end, feeling satisfied that you'd just read a coherent piece, created by one of the best writers you know.

However, it's Sunday, and I am spending the day with Jim and Sara, so I have to be careful not to blog the day away.  Also, I'm afraid my skill level - which is obscenely high, of course - might just drive you away if you were forced to perceive it.

So, I'm just going to do a few updates, I think, with different kinds of information in them.  As you can see from my descriptive title (right?  Mad skills, eh?) this is a health-related update.

HEALTH-RELATED UPDATES

My calcium levels are still trending toilet-ward.  I take many calcium supplements on a daily basis, and when I forget, the tingling in my limbs begins.  The last time I was tested, the level was still "critically low."  My parathyroid, however, *is* trying.  My PTH hormone levels are also low, but low-low-normal, so there's something going on in there.  Time will tell if I ever get my calcium-absorbing talents back, but at least they make sugar-free TUMS that taste like baby aspirin in the meantime.  My endocrinologist wants to see me in a couple of weeks about these results, and I assume at that point he'll check out my (lack of) thyroid and make sure there's no garbage growing there.

However, my thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH) level, apparently, is starting to regulate, and just in time, because I found out when I finally stepped on the scale for the first time since my surgery, that I'd gained MUCH weight.  While I understand that weight gain happens when one doesn't watch what one consumes, the amount of weight I've put on seems excessive, and not in line with what I've been eating, as far as I can tell.  I'm so pleased, though, that this weight gain is just in time for the summer, for my wedding in the fall, etc.  Yay for weight gain at great times.  Yay.

In other health-related news, I haven't been able to do Pilates because of some herniated disc stuff in my neck.  I've started physical therapy for the related nerve issues, however, and it seems to be helping.

Finally, I have to have a biopsy tomorrow for another finding (not thyroid-related).  It's endless. Wish me luck.  The doctor who did the ultrasound said she was 99 percent sure it wasn't cancerous and I said, well, I've heard that before, but I'll take your word for it.  I'm taking her word for it.

Stop with the excessive gifts. I promise I'll update my bog.

Okay, folks, please stop sending me candy-grams and flowers and cards in an effort to get me to update my blog. I can't handle the volume of gifts with my small apartment.  If you want to send me gifts in exchange for blog updates, please make them cash gifts.

*Whew.* Glad I finally said that.

Updates!

Hi!

I haven't updated in a while, but I'm doing fine. Sure, it's 3:53 in the morning, but that just means my absolutely adorable dog woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. It's cool. It happens. Here's what's going on:

- I have a new, great job and I'm very happy about it! I wake up in a state of non-dread on a daily basis. It's so weird!

- We set a wedding date, this Autumn. The venue is tiny, so the guest list will also be tiny. We're excited! We also booked a kick-ass honeymoon.

- Jim's great. The doggie's great (except for the gnawed-at portion of her tail). My family is great. Jim's family is great. Everyone's great.

- My next check-up for the thyroid cancer is not until August, but I've been active in other ways, vis-a-vis my physical health. As of about a month and a half ago, I've been doing Pilates once or twice a week with a super instructor, I have been walking as much as possible, and I just went to acupuncture for the first time last night. Wooo-wooo! As soon as I get around to filing the paperwork with my doctor's office, I'll be joining the gym in my new super-cool workplace.

- I'm going to be doing some more improv soon (way to announce that intention, Lisa)!

That's the news for now!

Sometimes it's nice to know you're right.

I have to say, it's very, VERY comforting to know that I am right about my health now and again.  Even when the results are concerning, it's nice to know I am not crazy.

I have been struggling for months - more than I have in the past, I suppose - with exhaustion, depression, chronic crankiness, my weight, headaches, klutziness, memory issues, etc.  Well, I finally got my blood work back and - surprise, surprise - these symptoms are actually caused by real things!!  

Yes, folks, that's right.  While you may think I'm crazy - and I am, so you're right - you're also wrong, because my symptoms are based in medically proven reality.  I am still hypothyroid and I am still hypocalcemic.  I have been placed on a higher dosage of Levothyroxine (synthetic thyroid hormone) and 2,000 mg/day of calcium + vitamin D.  

Symptoms of both of these deficiencies include those listed above, as well as others I won't burden you with right now.

Can I get a HA!?!

For now, health-wise, that's all the news there is to report.  On the cancer side, the blood work looked fine, and I don't have to get tested again until August/September.

And, while I have a bit more news for you, which is not directly related to healthcare, but is also related to my being right about stuff... well, that news has to wait a while longer!

another day, another bullshit

I think I am hypocalcemic again.  When my calcium gets low, I get... well, the word one might use, if one were being a bitch-ass, would be crazy.

Or it's just very bad PMS.

I did get my blood levels tested, though, so I guess we'll find out soon enough.

"pristine" and random free association

Pristine.

That's what my doctor called the ultrasound.  Yay.

I don't have to get my thyroid rechecked until the late summer or so... and then I'll have a body scan with radioactivity... I think.  Because I haven't had enough radiation applied to my body.

In addition to the ultrasound, I have to have my blood work (I've been remiss) - and then I will update more/again/etc.

Well. I'd better get to bed.

Oh, before I go, the promised free association:

LOST is stupid this season.

I like yogurt.

Roger Ebert looks so sick and I feel awful for him and all the more worried about me in light of his condition.

Oh. And? I fell (for the third time in a few months) today. I fell trying to get on the subway.  The subway driver was kind enough to open the door so I could get my legs out before closing it again and leaving the station.  My elbow hurts.

And stuff.

Tonight

Tonight I looked in the mirror and I was movie-star thin, with eyes and ears that were too big for my elfin, waify face, and I turned sideways and I disappeared.

No.

I am getting no sleep.  I have my three-month follow-up since the radiation in the morning.  I'm trying not to be stressed about it, but I'm also not sleeping.  Soon it'll be time to take the drugs... although I have to get up early...

Eek.

Status update.

Hi Folks,

I'm blogging on my lunch break (such as it is), so this will be necessarily brief.  I just wanted to let you know the latest:

- Thyroid-wise:  I continue to await my first post-radiation follow-up. By "await," I mean "need to schedule."  I will let you know when that is, and what the result is.  (Don't worry, mom, it's not even supposed to be until the end of this month/beginning of next.)

- Other-physical-stuff-wise:  I've been going through some diagnostic testing to ensure that some other concerns identified over the summer aren't awful and/or immediate.  One of them, an ongoing health issue I've dealt with, seems okay at the moment (yay), with the proverbial "keep an eye on it" stamped upon it (I suppose the status has to be proverbial, as one can't really stamp anything on my internal organs without a laser or branding iron). The other issue, a precancerous finding in (and summarily removed from) my small intestine, also seems to be maintaining its status quo at for the time being, in that the doctors, so far, don't see anything else precancerous there.  I had an x-ray with some yummy barium drink, and assuming the radiology doctor's findings don't differ from my GI doctor's findings, I'm golden at least until the next follow-up test, whatever it may be.

- Mental-stuff-wise:  I went through a very trying couple of months around the time of the radiation.  I was depressed and anxious, moreso than ever before.  Whether it was caused by physical challenges, stress, or a combination of the above, a variety of remediations were applied and seem to be having the desired effect.  I'm very much better now and I commented to Jim yesterday that on the way home from work, I experienced this sustained feeling that I couldn't pinpoint at first... and then realized it was happiness.

Well, that's all the news from the front, and it only took me 10 minutes to type... surely a respectable lunch break.  Thanks for the positive thoughts.  Please point some positivity at my doggie if you'd be so kind, as she goes in for dental work (i.e., goes under anesthesia and possibly has surgery) this Friday.  She is the love of my life, as everyone in my life knows, and I am praying that she comes through with the flyingest of flying colors.

It's 12:33 and all is well with my cancer.

I am cancer-free!!!  The radioactive iodine scan found that there was only a small concentration of normal thyroid cells left over, and all in my neck, and they've all (in theory) been obliterated.  I go back to the doc for a checkup in January-ish.

I returned to work after disability and then a quick trip to Florida for a wedding on Tuesday. Catching up is a weighty task.

And I am awake most of the time now.

And I can't stop my brain.

What to do when you are radioactive.

1. Have a pity party.  It's Halloween, and it appears to be a gorgeous, warmly autumnal day, but you can't go outside. Well, you could go outside, but you'd have to make sure none of your child-ridden neighbors approaches you because you can't go near their children.  Pregnant women are a no-no, too.

2. Try to play on Facebook, only to discover that, as it has been since yesterday, it's still broken.  Every time you try to use it for any of its regular Facebooky wondrousness, you get booted out and have to attempt to log in anywhere from one to four times.

3. Eat cheese.  To eat cheese, you must acquire it from the out-of-doors.  Have you acquired cheese from the out-of-doors? If no, whine because you have no cheese and wonder how you can get cheese delivered.  If you do have cheese, eat it!!  

3.B. For fun, create a recipe for radioactive cheese.

3.B.1. Recipe for Radioactive Cheese

1 portion Seal Bay Tasmanian Cheese
1 plastic spoon

Place Seal Bay Tasmanian Cheese (from HEAVEN) on plate.  With plastic spoon in right hand, scoop out small portion of cheese.  Raise spoon to mouth and lick spoon.  Repeat until only one half of the original portion of cheese remains.  Your remaining cheese is now radioactive cheese.

This is a versatile recipe that works on anything you can think of to mix with your radioactive saliva!

4.  Realize that the Internet can't change your life.

5.  Think about cleaning up the apartment, which could be featured on one of those news stories (AP Brooklyn, NY - Police today seized a basenji/pit mix dog named Sara when they realized her people were major fucking slobs, despite the dog's protests that the vacuum really only makes her worried and she's better off without it), and then realize you actually probably shouldn't clean because you should touch only whatever you have to touch.

5.B.  Worry that you are making your computer radioactive, despite the latex gloves you're using.

6.  Have another pity party because you REALLY miss your dog, even though she is loving life at her grandparents' house.

7.  Obsess about work.

8.  Do some writing.

9.  Shower, while worrying that you are nuking the neighbors.

10.  Restart your computer again. Try Facebook again.  Curse Facebook again.  Cry.  Hate.

11.  Think about the following: meditation, writing, reading, watching a good movie.

12.  Drink.

I love this blog.

http://charlcie.blogspot.com

***

Insert complaining here.

My friend asked me in an email whether this blog had outlived its usefulness (yes, D., you) and I realized that I'd forgotten to update it with all the latest gossip.  See, what happened, in case it wasn't clear, was that I went back to work after my hospitalization(s).  And work laser-gunned my brain and I forgot I had a blog.

Here is the latest, then.

I have been on a low iodine diet for a couple of weeks.  On Monday and Tuesday mornings, I go to the hospital to get Thyrogen injections, to stimulate the thyroid cells still hanging around in my body (I imagine they are old, Jewish women, with dyed hair and cigarettes... they are hanging around my body and gossiping... What will they do when stimulated?  Will they scream "Oy, I've nevah BEEN so STIMULATED!!" Because that's what old, smoking ladies do, isn't it?).

On Wednesday morning, they admit me to the hospital for the radioactive iodine scan - and I guess the ablation - itself.  They'll look for those old lady thyroid cells, and then whoever sucks up the iodine because she's stimulated is going to get hit with the radioactive stuff.  I'll be in the hospital for a few days.

Because life isn't simple, on the way to another doctor on Monday, I fell down a few stairs in the subway station.  I messed up my neck so badly, every day is an adventure in neck-lockery.  What's worse is that I'm such a stress-case, I work all day and then only sleep half the night, waking up with my neck even more torqued then it was the night before.  At this point, I can't turn my head.  I don't even have my laptop here at home, so I will have to go to work this morning, range of motion or no.

At least next Wednesday I'll get an enforced two or three day vacation in the hospital.  Sure, the food will be crap. Sure, the days will be boring (I don't even think I can bring electronics, for fear I'll irradiate them with my hot self)... but when I'm lying in bed at 3 a.m. and thinking about work, and my neck locks up because I had the audacity to move my head, at least I'll know I'm just a call button away from... an unnecessary spinal MRI.

Battlestar Galactica the THIRD

Well, so I'm still awake.  Earlier today, I was wiped out from a walk and figured I'd be asleep on the couch by 9pm.  Now it's 3:17 and I am still wide awake and I just had a snack.  I'm going to blame this on the absence of a thryoid, I guess.

This is my third episode of Battlestar Galactica in a row since Jim went to bed.  It's getting silly.  I thought perhaps my anxiety-fueled sleeping problems were a result of my thyroid problems, or perhaps my job, which can get a bit stressy for me.  Perhaps, though, my sleeping problems are a result of my

BRAIN

!!!

I now return me to my Battlestar Galactica watching, already in progress. I'm drawing the line at three.  Most likely.